Saturday, September 15, 2012

Marriage Advice I've Learned...The Top Three


In nine years of being married to Daniel, I have learned lots. I know there is so much more that we will learn, but wow...it's amazing how well you can get to know someone in 9 years, with all of the life experiences you go through and all!





As well as learning from experience, I have read a few really great marriage books. Between the books, the experience, and talking with couples who have been married much longer than us, I have noticed a trend in the things that contribute to a successful marriage.

Before I go any further, please understand 2 things:
1. I am right smack dab in the middle of my "life journey" and don't pretend to know more than other people...I make as many or more mistakes than everyone else, and the advice I am sharing is advice that I make a conscious effort to apply to my marriage each and every day. It has not yet become "natural" to do all of these things all of the time. And;

2. Every couple is different, and all advice may not work for everyone (of course), but these are the three things that have stuck with me when I heard them, and I notice that when I implement them, our life together is just a little bit cheerier :D



Here goes:

1. Be His Friend....Women love to visit, but men thrive on camaraderie. As women, we may see it as an insignificant thing, but if I understand correctly, husbands love to just spend time with the woman they love. Many times, they don't even need to be doing much with us to feel close to us. In our relationship, just watching a movie, or paying attention to something Daniel says goes really far. I remember one night in particular, there was a bit of tension between us...I don't remember why, I just remember that we weren't really saying much to each other. He sat down to look something up on YouTube, and in an effort to "break the ice" I sat down beside him and giggled at the video he had put up. Two hours later we had gone from watching funny videos, to farm machinery, to tanks. I'll admit, it got a bit boring for me towards the end, but I stayed. As we shut it down and headed to bed, he put his arm around me and said, "thanks for watching youtube with me all evening"


2. Sex is important...*blush* I don't think I've ever said that word on my blog before, but it really is important, so I'm saying it now. It's important to a man...hard wired into him as a way of receiving love from their wives. Much like we as women thrive on the fact that our husband is empathetic, tender, and affectionate (and when he's not we feel ignored and unloved). For this one, there was one piece of advice in a book I received for my wedding that really stuck with me. I still think of it to this day. Some nights, when he gives me the "come hither" look, I ignore the advice, tell him no and go to sleep. I always regret it the next day. "It wouldn't have taken that long really, and he would have been so much happier this morning", I think.
Anyways, the advice. She said, if there really is no great reason for you to be saying NO to him at that time and he asks for it, try saying, "ok, just give me five minutes honey :)". Go to the bathroom and do something that makes you feel pretty, whether it's perfume, mascara, lipgloss or some pretty lingerie that he likes. While you are getting ready, talk to God and pray for a second wind.
She ends that paragraph by saying (and I don't quote because I don't remember exactly) that you pretty much will never regret doing this, and that God will give you strength, and even a little bit of spunk ;)

The way I try and think about it is that when he married me, he was not disappointed. I loved him, and it didn't take much to make the effort to show him that physically. If I am the ONLY woman he is going to sleep with for the rest of his life, it's really not fair to just....stop doing it, is it? Kids, life, and the daily grind wear me down, yes. But without even realizing it sometimes, staying close to my husband physically rejuvenates me, and our marriage.
And, in my personal experience, it makes for a much, MUCH happier husband....which just makes everyone happier :)



3. Respect Him...we all need respect, absolutely. But when a wife shows respect to her husband (there's so many ways to do it), that man will soar. That man, who works every day to "hunt and gather" and provide for the woman he loves and their children. That man who does everything in his power to keep us safe. That man who keeps a vehicle in the driveway for me to drive while he's at work. That man who spends time with our children to show them what a good man is so that they are very particular when they start looking for husbands of their own.
Showing a husband that you respect him for these things is a great way of showing him that the things he does are appreciated.

Like I said, every marriage is different. I have heard many women say, "I'll show my husband respect when he shows he deserves it" or "but he doesn't do any of those things, why should I?"
And to that I say, show it. Show that man you love him, find something he DOES do, and tell him how much you appreciate it, and watch what happens. Sometimes it takes more time than we would like, but no one ever said marriage was easy. It can be very hard and it can feel like one person is doing "all the work".

I found this great link that gives 25 very practical and real ways to show respect to your husband, if anyone needs ideas. I know I do sometimes!

So there you have it, the three pieces of marriage advice that have been given to me over the years that have stuck. Some days I think, "wow, what great advice!" and others I think "are you serious? Can't I just NOT, even for one day? I'm just not feelin' it"
You know the saying that goes, Happy Wife = Happy Life? Well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and switch it up a bit:

Happy Husband <=> Happy Wife = Happy Life




- Husbands need love too is a way to show our husbands how much we love them by spotlighting them on our blog! So, the post must be to your husband, about him, from him, a vlog of yall together. Something that highlights your love for him. :)

- Must follow Host & Co-host blogs via GFC - if there is not GFC follow via bloglovin
{We are the first six linked up}

Extra:

- Grab a button and put it on your sidebar
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- Visit a few other blogs and show them some love


 
 










3 comments:

  1. Great advice!! All of it is so true! Thanks so much for sharing & for co-hosting with me this month!

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  2. Wow, such great advice!!
    I am 18 and have been married for a year now and I find it really hard to know what to do in my marriage to make it happy and easier.
    Marriage is defiantly not easy, but it sure is worth fighting for!
    Thank you for sharing this!

    Katlyn
    www.thedreamymeadow.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great advice! I know I've learned a lot over the years. More now than ever! Thanks for linking up for Matrimonial Monday!

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Your comments make me smile :)

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