So here I am, a mom with five children, and I have all the stretch marks, blemished skin and stubborn weight that goes along with that.
I struggle trying to find a balance between the two trains of thought that run through my head all too often.
I started having children when I was 21, and since then one of my biggest wishes has been to see my body (especially my tummy) return to at least close to a pre-baby state. Now I'm almost 31 and while I'm almost ashamed to admit how much I have thought about it, I am pretty sure that I'm no different than most of my fellow moms out there. I have spent my fair share of time in front of a mirror, wondering how I would look if my belly just shrunk by a few inches, or longing for tight skin there again. It's been 10 years since I had a midsection like that. There's a part of me that really mourns it's loss, despite my best efforts to appreciate my body for the things it has accomplished in that decade.
I find myself thinking things like "if I could just stick to eating really clean/eating no sugar/doing a workout video for just one month, I bet I would see big results"...and then getting mad at myself the next time I eat something that I " shouldn't".
Now here's the kicker. Not only do I have five children, I have five girls. Five girls that I want to raise with a healthy body image and healthy habits.
Whew, this is a challenge...how I supposed to model and instill a healthy body image in my daughters if I struggle with this very thing on a daily basis?
There is a few things that I make an effort to do, despite how I may be feeling at the time. I sure hope they do more harm than good....
1. I talk about the health benefits or detriments of food....and not in "heavy vs. Thin" terms.
As an example...one day Addison announced to me that she didn't want to eat sugar any more because someone at school said it makes people fat.
My answer to her was something like this: "cutting back on sugar is always a great idea, but not for that reason neccesarily. Near your stomach you have an organ called tour spleen. When you eat sugar, it's your spleen's job to create something called insulin to bring your blood sugar levels back down to a normal level. If you eat lots of sugar on a regular basis, you over load your spleen as it tries to keep up making insulin. Eventually if it can't keep up anymore you develop a disease called diabetes."
She loves biology related stuff so that explanation helped her understand.
I also try to talk about food as a fuel....things like "rice krispies are good, but they won't keep you full very long, so they are more of a snack. For breakfast you should have eggs or oatmeal instead."
I have been making an effort to see food as fuel for my own body and to develop a healthy relationship with it. It's definitely still a struggle, but teaching it to my girls helps me accept it for me as well.
2. I don't hide my body from them or talk about it badly in front of them.
They see my tummy quite often, especially lately because I nurse Sadie without a cover at home. All of the girls have made comments about it not looking like theirs, or they have asked questions.
Believe me, there are times when I feel like saying, "ew, don't look at it or touch it...it's gross" or "I wish it looked like it did before kids"... But that would do no good to how I want them to see their bodies. I usually say something like, " yes it does look different because all of you lived in there for awhile! You know how when you blow up a balloon and let the air out a few times it gets kind of wrinkly? That's kind of what happens to moms' tummies when they have babies."
That one is probably the most difficult for me to accept for myself. I say that silently in my head way more often than I say it out loud to the girls because I need the reminder a LOT.
3. I try and stay active in front of them and with them. I do workout videos, but I also try and do fun active things with them, like swimming or playing outside. I don't want them to see physical activity as something terrible that you have to force yourself to do as you get older.
I do have to push my insecurities aside often for this type of thing though. Especially the swimming! It would be all too easy to refuse to put on a bathing suit and swim with my girls because I hate how I look in one. They aren't thinking about that though, and as much as I think they do, I doubt other people really notice either. Besides, the girls are only young now. By the time I work my body to the point that I would feel I look "good enough" in a bathing suit, they might be too old to do this sort of thing. And that would be a a shame to miss out on.
4. I try to mention the things my body can do instead of how it looks.
As tempting as it is to do a crazy restrictive diet or anything else to drop weight fast, I don't because I don't want the girls to see that and think that's just what women do. I don't want them to see me obsessing about how my body looks, or always talking about losing more weight.
I know they already have heard me talk this way, and it's amazing how fast they pick up on it. That's what made me think of this post in the first place actually.
Like I said, this is going to be tough. I am under no illusions that they won't develop their own body image issues at one point or another....in our society it's asking a lot for them not to.
I do want to show them that there are so many more important things to focus on in life. Focusing on our health is a good thing to do, but there is a line that is all too easy to cross into unrealistic goals, which tend to turn into us beating ourselves up for not fitting into that mold.
I want my girls to know that as a woman, their bodies will do amazing things. They will work hard, they will grow humans, they will nurture. They have the ability to completely sustain and grow another human life with milk that their bodies can create. Their bodies are amazing, versatile, and powerful....and if I believe that about them and about all the women around me, then it must be true for myself too.
And I want my girls to see that side of me....i want to be proud of my body for the things it has done as opposed to hating it for the things it's not.
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Jade, you have given this a lot of thought, and I think your girls are going to benefit greatly from your perspective and your efforts to both improve your physical self and love and respect the body that you already have in this very moment. Don't be too discouraged about what you struggle with, though - despite your best efforts, your daughters will likely struggle with their body image at some point, and seeing that you were not completely removed from those emotions, they will look to how you confronted and dealt with those thoughts. You aren't going to ruin their body confidence by being anxious about how you look - the fact that you do still allow yourself to be active, be seen, and call yourself beautiful speaks volumes, even in the midst of any lingering negative self-thoughts.
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