Sooo worth it!

Okay, I know this is a ridiculously long post, but believe me, it is sooo worth it to read!! I laughed so hard I cried...or maybe that's cause it's almost midnight. I can't take the credit for this though, Jael sent it to me in my email.
Have a Jolly day!!!!

>>>> These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of
>>>>America, and are things people actually said in court, word for
>>>>word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the
>>>>torment of staying calm while
>>>>these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>>>> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>>>> ______________________________
>>>> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>>>> WITNESS: July 18th.
>>>> ATTORNEY: What year?
>>>> WITNESS: Every year.
>>>> _____________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of
>>>>the impact?
>>>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
>>>>your memory at all?
>>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
>>>>memory?
>>>> WITNESS: I forget.
>>>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
>>>>something you forgot?
>>>> _____________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
>>>>you?
>>>> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
>>>>remember which.
>>>> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>>>> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>>>> _____________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
>>>>to you that morning?
>>>> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>>>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>>>> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
>>>>involved in voodoo?
>>>> WITNESS: We both do.
>>>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>>>> WITNESS: We do.
>>>> ATTORNEY: You do?
>>>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
>>>>person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
>>>>morning?
>>>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>>>> ___________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how
>>>>old is he?
>>>> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
>>>> ________________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
>>>>taken?
>>>> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
>>>>was August 8th?
>>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>>>> WITNESS: Uh....
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>>>> WITNESS: Yes.
>>>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>>>> WITNESS: None.
>>>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>>>> WITNESS: By death.
>>>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>>>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
>>>>beard.
>>>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
>>>>pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>>>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
>>>>work.
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
>>>>you performed on dead people?
>>>> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
>>>>people.
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
>>>>school did you go to?
>>>> WITNESS: Oral.
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
>>>>the body?
>>>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>>>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>>>> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
>>>>wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>>>> WITNESS: Huh?
>>>> ______________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
>>>>did you check for a pulse?
>>>> WITNESS: No.
>>>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>>>> WITNESS: No.
>>>> ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
>>>> WITNESS: No.
>>>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
>>>>was alive when you began the autopsy?
>>>> WITNESS: No.
>>>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>>>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
>>>>desk in a jar.
>>>> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been
>>>>alive, nevertheless?
>>>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
>>>>been alive and practicing law