Quiet

I've been quiet on here this week. There just haven't been words that I can get out to describe the heaviness I feel inside.
I know though that every other parent feels this way as well this week.

A few weeks ago, my friend lost her husband unexpectedly, and I felt the heaviness then too. My heart broke for her, and it broke a little more when my imagination went to that place...."I just don't know how I would get through that."
Then it happened again on Friday, but with the thought of having to face the horror of losing my girls. I haven't gone through either of those experiences, and I hope I never have to, but just the thought of it has weighed so incredibly heavy on me this week.

There is a song by Hillsong United called Hosanna, and part of the lyrics go like this:

 Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours


The thought has crossed my mind many times this month: I wonder if this is what it feels like? I wonder if this is how it feels when God allows my heart to break for what breaks his?

I'm sorry Lord. Sorry that the people who you created to love them, to love you, and to love each other have gone so far astray. I'm sorry that we as humans believe so many of Satan's lies. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and that he does. I'm sorry that you are not welcome in schools, and are becoming less welcome in our governments. I'm sorry that you have to see your children hurt each other like this, and that you see our hearts and souls ache like this, knowing that a relationship with you would fill all the gaps, and we just don't see that...or choose not too.
I'm sorry that our selfishness and believing Satan's deceptions go this far sometimes...to the point of children who have done nothing wrong suffering in this way. My heart is burdened for those families, who are suffering so much because of what that one person did. It shouldn't be that way.


I don't know what else to say. I don't know what I would want someone to say to me if one of my daughters had died that day.

To the families of the victims, the whole world is crying with you.

Jesus wept. -John 11:35